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“Now, Mrs. Queen, what is my name?”

The queen said at first, “Are you called Jack?”

“No,”  answered he.

“Are you called Harry?” she asked again.

“No,” answered he.

And then she said, “Then perhaps your name is Rumpelstiltskin!”

“The devil told you that! The devil told you that!” cried the little man, and in his anger he stamped with his right foot so hard that it went into the ground above his knee; then he seized his left foot with both his hands in such a fury that he split in two, and there was an end to him.

—from Selected Tales of the Brothers Grimm 

You have a talent for recklessness. You are thoughtless, and empty headed, and you think you are immortal. You shall prune trees.

You have a talent for spewing complete bull. The things that come out of your mouth, I can’t believe. And you have no remorse, ever, about your gaffes, lies, or exaggerations. You shall have a talk show.

You have a talent for overthinking things. You’re so hard on yourself, there are little welts on your heart from self-inflicted pinches. Pinch pinch pinch, all day long. You feel badly about everything you do or say. Everything is agony. You shall be a stay-at-home mom. Home is the only safe place for you. (Don’t screw up your children.)

You have an amazing ability to compete. You love to win, you don’t fear opponents, you are inspired by them.  You are a gracious winner, and a good loser, and always eager to get back in the game. You shall be a salesman or a politician or a real estate mogul.

You have a talent for living on nothing. You can survive on beef jerky, canned soup, and mac-n-cheese for a thousand years. You don’t care if your relatives think you are a failure, you have a talent for ignoring people who think ill of you; you simply disqualify their opinion by entrenchment in alienation. You could live in a cardboard box and find a way to enjoy it. You shall be an artist.

You don’t know the first thing about yourself. And if someone tried to help you, to show you how to look inside, you’d punch them in the face and kick them out of your house. You tell yourself you feel sorry for the people you envy, because that way you don’t have to envy them, because you feel sorry for them. What I mean is, if you envy a person, you think of a reason to pity them. THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE STRATEGY FOR SELF-SOOTHING.  You are a tremendous self-soother. You shall be a medical professional, but very low in the pecking order of medical professionals. However, you shall have a uniform and white shoes.

You have a talent for watching TV.  You are not alone.



photo: The Throne of the Third Heaven of the Nations’ Millennium General Assembly by James Hampton

video clip: taken in the subway in NYC,10/13 I wish I caught his name.
song: “Gonna Quit My Rowdy Ways” by the Callahan Brothers