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1. If we were going to tell you something about yourself that will be important, and helpful, it would be that you were onto something when you started emptying big words of their meaning. Words like love, time, person.

And also, ignore everyone.

2. It’s possible that the shame is a priori. That the shame was in me first. I moved up to it the way you move up to an object. Or, I moved up to some memories and not others. Making some of them true and others nonexistent. Making things happen after the fact so I could remember them,

I’m saying that certain life events arrived AFTER the shame. BECAUSE of the shame.

It was maybe there first.

The way sometimes i have a feeling, it bubbles up inside me, and I reach to assign a word to it or a memory or an event to it. Why am I feeling this way?

That I make my own past up retrospectively because I am unwilling to stay in the present.

And I am unwilling to stay in the present because there are maggots inside my meditation pillow.

the feeling is the being
the feeling is the entity

3. Can you stay present inside of your psychic pain? Can you let your inner pain… for example, jealousy, shame . ..  can you regard each emotion simply as information?

(emotional pain as information)

Then you utilize the information to create a different future. That’s what feelings are for!

4. 1927, John Williams Dunne: An Experiment with Time


Events exist before they occur in the conventional sense, and we move up to them… just as we can move up to or around a physical object. In dreams we break out of our human habit of viewing past, present, and future as a stream flowing in only one direction and are able to drop into a wider pool of knowledge.

Apparently he influenced/inspired this book by Nabokov.


until next month! on the new moon! we will swim around einigen Nietzsche!