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paper ad, 1963, by michael hampton

“If a fir tree had a foot or two like a turtle, or a wing,
do you think it would just wait for the saw to enter?”

Rumi, from “That Journeys Are Good”


You’ve heard the one about turning lemons into lemonade. And you’re willing to try. But how are you going to do it without sugar? Cuz you got nothin’ sweet about you. Not at the moment. And you’re going to need LOTS of sugar, to go with all those lemons.

Only one thing to do. Manufacture some sweetness. All by yourself. Dig down deep and make some sugar. If you can’t make it, find some old stuff. It keeps forever.

It’s dark in there; don’t go alone. In fact, you might need Bruce Willis. But you’d have to be famous to get Bruce Willis to talk to you. So just find someone who looks like Bruce Willis. Shouldn’t be hard.

Now, don’t get hung up on the fact that you can’t get Bruce Willis, that you have to settle for the waiter at Applebees. Famous people have to stick together. They just do.

It’s our fault, for thinking they’re special, for knowing the names of their children, and where they buy shoes. For watching them make small talk with Ellen and the various Jimmies. It’s our fault for not thinking better of our own shoes, jobs, chins, etc.

At least we can’t afford plastic surgery. So we’ll still have facial expressions in our sixties. What a blessing! See, that’s a glass of lemonade right there.

Sour to sweet. Cheers!