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BEST VACUUM EVER!

from the Jim Carrey Scrapbook, c. 1995 by Citadel Press.
 


Law and Order: Criminal Intent, The Bill Cunningham show, Charlie Rose, Bob the Builder, Taste This, The Fugitive, Emperatriz, Corazon Apasianado, Gunsmoke, Rosa Diamanté, Super Why!, America’s Court with Judge Ross, Superfood Juicer, Insanity Workout, Family Bible Reading Workshop, Quien Tiene la Razon?, Fancy-Cut Diamond Jewelry, Total Gym For $14.95 Offer with Free S & H, Nu Wave Portable Cooktop, Best Vacuum Ever, Bosley Hair Restoration. 

–partial tv listing for Direct TV, 1:30 to 2:30 PM, Thursday, July 12, upstate N.Y.


1. Why do American audiences still think actors and actresses with British accents are smarter than us? All Judi Dench has to say is “Stratford,” and Charlie Rose gets all limp and giggle-puss.

2. I can only assume that balding men continue to buy products based on doctored photos and the testimonials of muscular actors with mullets. Capitalism has a way of dispensing with failures. At least, it usually hides them from view.

3. The Fugitive is simply always on, because we all have a loved one who we secretly want kidnapped. Of course we will immediately go to heroic and unimaginable extremes to save that very same person, after the kidnapping. We will even leap over a hydroelectric dam.

4. I don’t know why Jim Carrey authorized this stupid photo. Yes, I do. And furthermore, I hate his face. No offense, but it’s his fault. He went too far with that face. He went over the dam with it.

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