hag in a bag
If I could speak another language, I’d want it to be a language in which there were no possible way to say this: I hate myself.
Cannibal Dance
Let’s have her meet a sexy stranger. She hooks up, falls in love, but never has to deal with details like sleep disorders, childcare, and debt.
Distorted Thinking, Miami
I haven’t heard anything about chimpanzees running wild there, or biting off anyone’s face. Though I think there was a face-biting incident, involving a vagrant man under a bridge.
the facts we hate
But a regret is a regret, and we have the right to have as many as we want. Mine boils down to this: I always wished I were cool. It boils down to this: I was kind of sorry to be a girl.
what happened was . . .
Running around the desert blowing up oil fields and killing children and whatnot. The five soldiers deem this unproductive behavior.
that thing you want
Let’s say you have to give something up in order to get what you want. The more you want it, the more you have to give up.
the elite delete
I knew about Susan Sontag’s hair before I read any of her writing. Then I read her a little. Then I read that she slept with her publisher.
Get Born Smart
Look out for trick questions and confusing directions. Get a good night’s sleep. Smile at the proctor. Above all, don’t be nervous.
The Freedom Train
I must have been in some kind of American blackout. A moment of freedom. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
rejection, scared of rejection
Scared I am worse than I think I am. Scared I am better than I think I am.
Better get braver and fast.
this is me, communicating
1. When I get angry, the main thing I do is a. cry. b. yell. c. sulk. d. swear. e. throw things. f. get sarcastic. 2. When I say "Just leave me alone," I mean it a. 100 percent of the time. b. 75 percent of the time. c. 50 percent of the time. d. 25 percent of the...
Reverse Psychology
“They’d better vote me off. Gervase learned long ago that the only person responsible for Gervase is Gervase. If they don’t vote me off tonight I will win this game. I will win every Immunity Challenge, and get rid of them one by one. If they don’t vote me off,...
chop wood, carry water
An Die Musik ("To Music") Oh gracious art, in how many gray hours when life's fierce orbit ensnared me have you kindled my heart to warm love, carried me away into a better world? How often has a sigh escaping from your harp, a sweet, sacred chord of...
West in the Head
“Remember how it felt to return after many years to the high school of your youth: how small the halls were; how tattered the blinds; how grim the lockers—a greasy green, and dented without design. Reality and memory were out of tune then, and now they are again.”...
Endless Summer
“Agamemnon, aggression, Agnew (Spiro), agnosticism, agreement (grammar), agribusiness, air pollution, air quality index, Akron, Ohio.” E.D. Hirsch, Jr.: Cultural Literacy: What Every American Needs to Know, c. 1987 This is a sample from a book-length list some guy put...
Soul Chicken
“For most of us, knowledge of our world comes largely through sight, yet we look about with such unseeing eyes that we are partially blind. One way to open your eyes to unnoticed beauty is to ask yourself, “What if I had never seen this before? What if I knew I would...
No Parents in the World are Wrong
“For a son to strike a parent was an offense punishable by decapitation, even if no injury was caused to the parent. But a parent could beat his son with impunity, and would suffer only the mildest of punishment if the son were to die. A parent could have his...
Accidentally on Purpose
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